What Makes a Maiden
by HMS Sunlight
Summary: Pyrrha has a secret. Something about her that none of the teachers know, and as far as she's concerned they never should know. But when Ozpin asks her to take on a role that can only be filled by a true maiden, will she have to tell the truth?


Pyrrha was silent. She knew something was off when she was called to the headmasters office, but this? Not only was an ancient fairy tale real, but she was next in line? Ozpin and Qrow were silent, giving the girl time to process the information. She had many questions, but there was one in particular that was really bothering her.

Eventually Pyrrha spoke up. "What exactly are the requirements to receive this blessing?" A pit was growing in her stomach. She'd managed to keep it a secret all this time, and the thought of it being revealed now filled her with dread.

Ozpin adjusted his glasses and examined his student. "It's rather simple," he explained. "The blessing can only be given to a young maiden, one such as yourself." Pyrrha began to shift in her seat uncomfortably. There really was no way getting around it.

"I-I'm sorry professor, but there's something I have to tell you. Something I never wanted to let anyone know, but now there's no way around it." Ozpin and Qrow each gave her a concerned look. They could tell this was something Pyrrha was struggling with, and wanted to give her whatever she needed. "The truth is I'm not actually a maiden."

Ozpin smiled softly and put his hand on her shoulder. "Pyrrha, that was very brave of you to tell us, but you don't need to worry. You count as a girl just as much as Nora, Ruby, or Glinda. And I won't let anyone say otherwise, not even you."

Pyrrha blinked in confusion. She gave her teacher a strange look. "What? No, that's not what I meant, although I appreciate the support. What I mean is a maiden is supposed to be _pure_ , which I'm not."

From the back of the room, there was the sound of a massive face palm. Ozpin's face was unreadable. Pyrrha nervously waited for his response.

"God damn it Pyrrha."

Just then the elevator doors opened. In walked Glinda and Ironwood, both with formal expressions on their faces. "Sorry we're late."

"It's no use Ironwood, she's not a maiden anymore."

A look of rage came over Glinda's face. "Excuse me?" Pyrrha visibly flinched from her teacher's glare. "You are the star pupil of our school. I always thought you were more responsible than this." She stormed across the room to stare right in her student's face. "Tell me, Miss Nikos. What _exactly_ were you doing with Jaune when you two snuck out to help him out with his swordplay?"

"That's not fair. I was actually giving him practical lessons on how to fight."

"Well thank god for that at least."

"It's just we usually had sex afterwards."

"God damn it Pyrrha."

"Ladies, please, let's try and be as professional as we can," General Ironwood interjected.

"Don't worry, Pyrrha's got plenty of experience keeping it casual."

"Shut up Qrow. Ozpin, surely you have another student you can call in."

The headmaster's exchanged a look, and Ozpin began scanning through his papers. "Very well then, let Miss Valkyrie know to come to my office immediately.

A few minutes passed in awkward silence. Pyrrha tried to make herself as small as possible, which was difficult in a room with four intimidating adults staring at her. "The one thing I'm wondering," said Qrow, "is why that scrawny blonde kid? I get that teenagers will be teenagers, but isn't he a little below your standards?"

A light blush came across Pyrrha's face as she thought about Jaune. "One of the things I love about Jaune is that he never put me up on a pedestal. He didn't pretend to care about me to gain popularity, he actually cared about me as a person." She looked down at her feet. "Also he was really hot in that dress at the dance."

Glinda nearly popped a blood vessel. "Really? The reason Beacon academy is vulnerable to the greatest threat we've ever faced is because your crush put on a nice outfit?"

"To be fair, he was rocking that dress. I mean did you see his legs?"

"Ozpin, now is not the time." Glinda was grinding her teeth back and forth. "Pyrrha, I can only hope that your classmate was able to show a bit more maturity and self control."

Just then the elevator doors opened, and Nora bounced into the room, somehow with a bigger smile than usual. "Hellooooooo everybody," she called out in a melodic tune. "Sorry I'm a little late to the party. Hopefully you didn't want Ren here, because I think he's gonna be napping for a little. Even when he wakes up, he probably won't be able to walk for a bit." She did a little dance while walking across the room, gently swaying her hips back and forth. She grabbed a chair next to Pyrrha, and let out a contented sigh as she sat down. A look of satisfied bliss was on her face. "So anyway Ozpin, what was it you wanted?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"God damn it Nora."

Ironwood slammed his fist down on the table. "What kind of school are you running here Ozpin?"

"Apparently a more fun school than when I was here."

"Shut up Qrow. I'm going out for a bit, let me know when you can find a student with some dignity."

Qrow took another drink from his flask. "Someone should probably go after him." He turned around and headed to the elevator door."I'm going to the bar for a bit, let me know if you find anyone."

Nora just shrugged her shoulders. "What's their problem? And Glinda, you might want to head to the nurses office, I think there's a burst blood vessel in your face."

Once again, Ozpin looked through his papers. "You know what, send team RWBY up here. All of them. We might as well explain things again to the group."

"...And so, we need one of you to take on the role of the Maiden." The six girls were listening intently. Pyrrha would've grown tired listening to the explanation again, but she was dreading their reactions afterwards. Nora was actually paying close attention for once, since Ozpin had mentioned fairy tales.

"Well that sounds awesome, but sadly I'm not a-"

"Yes Miss Valkyrie, we are quite aware." Ozpin was starting to get frustrated. Yang reached over to give Nora a high five. "With this in mind, I would like to first ask Miss Schnee if she would like the honors." Ozpin looked directly at Weiss. "Will you accept this burden, and take on the role as the fall maiden?"

Weiss looked strangely uncomfortable. "Me? Why can't Pyrrha be the maiden? I mean I am the most deserving on my team, but shouldn't she be your first option?"

Glinda took this opportunity to give Pyrrha the evilest eye she'd ever given a student. "That's a very good question. Miss Nikos, would you like to tell them or should I?" By this point, Pyrrha's face was the same shade as her hair.

"No," Weiss interrupted, "I think I understand the situation." She cleared her throat. "So, um, I would love to be this maiden thing or whatever. But on an unrelated note, you know that Neptune guy from Vacuo? Funny story about me and him..."

"God damn it Weiss."

Yang reached out her hand again. "Nice." When the gesture wasn't returned, she moved to Pyrrha, who gave an incredibly weak high five with one hand while covering her face with the other.

Ozpin let out a deep sigh. He didn't bother looking at Glinda, he could feel her anger from his chair. "Very well then, let's continue. Yang."

"Nope."

"Didn't think so. Blake."

The Faunus jumped in her seat. "Me? Why do you think I'm special?"

Glinda composed herself, and took on a more nurturing tone. "You're a very strong willed and compassionate woman. You're a strong fighter with stronger moral values." She looked around the room. "And unlike _some_ people here, I believe you know how to exercise restraint."

Blake's eyes darted back and forth. "Are you saying that I'm different from the others? Because I'm not. I'm just like them."

Ozpin tiled his head a little. "Miss Belladonna, let's be perfectly clear for a moment. I apologize for the intrusive question, but are you still a maiden?"

"What? No, of course not. I've had sex. I've had tons of sex. But, like, not more than anybody else." Blake gulped and continued, her voice taking on a panicked tone. "Just like the others, I've definitely had a penis inside my vagina. In fact, I've had multiple penises inside my vagina. I mean not at the same time. Unless that's the norm around here?"

She looked over at Yang, who just shrugged her shoulders. "Depends on what day it is."

Glinda's mouth was opening and closing, half formed sentences dying mid air. "I just... you can't... this isn't... it's not a good thing. We're desperately trying to find somebody who's been responsible enough to keep their private parts private."

"Are you calling me a liar? Because I'm not a liar. Although I do lie as much as every other student, somewhere within the average range. Since I am completely normal and ordinary."

"Alright Miss Belladonna, we get the point." Ozpin stood up from his chair and started pacing back and forth. "At this point I'm almost afraid to ask Miss Rose."

Ruby just twiddled her fingers. "That's probably for the best..."

The headmaster just sighed. "Well, I certainly am glad that all of you are consenting adults over the age of eighteen."

"Ozpin, are you sure tha-"

"Over. The age. Of eighteen, Glinda. Yes I'm sure." His pacing grew faster and faster. "You are six of the best students in our academy. I was amazed we had this many suitable candidates for the next maiden, but this is just ridiculous."

Yang, for the first time, looked like she was paying attention. "Professor, this restriction also applies to the people we're fighting, right?"

Ozpin glanced at her. "Our main enemy is an ancient and powerful woman. She's a being that's beyond such desires."

"Yeah, but her plan can't be to get all four maiden powers right away. She's probably got some lackeys to do her bidding, so the maiden's powers are under her control. And in order to stay eligible, they'd have to stay maiden's."

For once, Ozpin was intrigued by his student. "I suppose. Where exactly are you going with this?"

"Well what if they're all just evil because they can't get laid?"

 _Somewhere between ten and forty years ago_

Teenage Cinder glowered at her fellow students. She didn't understand why none of them wanted to talk to her. She put in so much effort every day, looking as beautiful as possible. There was something undeniably alluring and sexy about her, but none of the guys would make a move on her. She even told the hottest guy in class that his outfit was sharp enough to sink an Atlas war cruiser.

Cinder decided she didn't need them. She was perfectly fine with staying a virgin, no matter how late in life it got. In fact, she would find some kind of a magical superpower that only works on virgins. That'd show them. Then she would have her revenge.

 _Present day_

"That's completely ridiculous. Anyway, we still have a dilemma of our world being on the brink of chaos with no way to protect it."

Glinda gave a derisive snort to her fellow instructor. "I told you Ozpin. I said that co-ed dorms were a terrible idea. But you insisted on giving the students a chance and look where it got us."

"Wait, what do co-ed dorms have to do with anything?" The room fell quiet as Ruby spoke up. "I mean, in theory it wouldn't make a difference if it was between two girls, right?"

At this point, people started to notice that Weiss's face was getting redder by the second. "Ruby, I swear to god if you don't shut up right now."

Yang looked at the two of them and broke out into a grin. "Nice!" Ruby gave an enthusiastic high five before remembering the situation.

"Miss Schnee," Ozpin asked kindly. Didn't you mention that boy from Vacuo?"

"Well, I did go on a date with Neptune."

"Okay."

"It's just Ruby and I had sex after."

"God damn it Weiss."

Blake turned around to face her teammates. "So _that's_ why you wouldn't share it with me."

Ruby was puzzled for a second. "What do you mean? I'm always happy to share things with you."

"There was one time that I swear I could smell fish on your breath, but when I asked for some you wouldn't give me any. I guess I was actually smelling Weiss's-"

"No. Stop it. Don't you dare say anything else." Weiss stared down her teammate.

"..."

"..."

"Vagina."

"Shut up Blake."

"Don't worry, I'd be happy to share some of mine with you."

"SHUT UP YANG!"

Ozpin felt like he had regretted his career choice more in the past hour than the last fifty years. "I can tell which one of you is related to Qrow," he muttered under his breath. However, there was one useful piece of information that could help solve this whole mess. The maiden powers had a weird quirk that none of the other teachers knew about. Ozpin smiled as he realized they could put this whole situation behind them. "Well on the bright side, it appears we have found the answer to our problem." He looked directly at Ruby.

"Me? But I'm not a proper maiden. Didn't you hear what Weiss just said?"

"I know, but the spell that gave the original maiden's their powers was cast a very long time ago. Society has changed a great deal since then." Ozpin sat back down in his desk and crossed his fingers. "By technicality, Ruby, you are still a maiden."

The room was silent. It had been silent many times that day, but this time it somehow felt even more silent. Every person in the room was trying to process the information in their own way. Except for Nora, who was still humming under her breath. Pyrrha examined the room and then turned towards her headmaster. "This is some ancient all powerful spell we're talking about. Are you certain it doesn't adapt with the times?"

"I am very certain. As bizarre as this whole situation is, one thing I can guarantee is that the spell has not changed over the years." He put a hand on Ruby's shoulder. "Miss Rose, you have a very important decision ahead of you. This is an incredibly dangerous procedure that may cost your life. Even if it works, you will have the responsibility of the world on your shoulders."

Ruby took in all this information. "So you're saying I might get some kick-ass superpowers?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that, and I understand if you want some time to-"

"I'm in."

Yang jumped into the air. "That's my sister, always ready to finish off whatever task is at hand without even stopping for breath." She smirked over at Weiss. "Something I'm sure you're well aware of."

The two of them began squabbling back and forth while Ozpin grabbed his scroll and punched in a number. "The new champion has been selected. Yes, I am sure that she's actually a maiden. No, you don't need to bring out your preparations. What would we even do with that much peanut butter? Shut up Qrow."

Glinda walked over to Pyrrha with a concerned expression. "I know you were probably looking forward for a chance to represent your country." For the first time that day she had a sympathetic tone. "I may not approve of all your actions, but I still want you to know that you're still an amazing student with boundless potential for the future."

Pyrrha gave a weak smile. "Thank you professor. Although, to be fair I probably would have spent the next few days getting more and more worried about the situation and be completely powerless when the bad guys attack. Then I probably would've recklessly jumped into a major battle I couldn't win, sacrificing my life while the rest of the city burns to the ground."

Glinda just laughed. "You certainly have an active imagination. I guess there's no need to worry about any of that now."

 **«x»«x»«x»«x»«x»«x»«x»«x»«x»**

"And that's the story of how Jaune saved the world because he couldn't keep it in his pants."

"Nora, I asked what you wanted for dinner."


End file.
